If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Let's get the cat blown out
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
