Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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