Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He had one of those small greek statue penises
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
