Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
