I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
