im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
