does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
