Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
