fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
