I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
