oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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