weddingsv make me drug and hornr
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
