he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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