He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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