you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
