I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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