You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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