They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
