Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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