She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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