I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
