i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
