I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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