This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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