im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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