I just cut my nipple shaving
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
