i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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