Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
