Say something about gay babies.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
