Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
