I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
