somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
