I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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