Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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