are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
