i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
