The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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