she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
