I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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