If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The feeling are messing with the penis
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
