It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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