Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He felt like a one man threesome
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
dude. I can hear the air.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
