We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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