Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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