I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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