i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
