she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
