I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
