So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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