Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
