im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
