peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
