He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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