so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
