The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have so many feelings about this burrito
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
