He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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