How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So gin and wine won't be happening again
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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