Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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