her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
