he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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