so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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