Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
