Sponge bath it is.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
