Pappa wants mamma naked
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
