I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
