I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
