when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i drank out of a bidet.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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