What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
