I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
